Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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