she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
