M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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