I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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