Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
