Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
