Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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