Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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