Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
