It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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