God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
