if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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