Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
