Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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