I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
