i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize