I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
