I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
