my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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