So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
