All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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