Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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