I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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