I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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