The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need a beard to bite.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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