sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
