Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
