It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize