you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
