Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
