Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
