Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
