mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
