life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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