I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
