I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
