does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
