I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
