They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
