Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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