why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
