i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
