Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize