I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
