I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize