I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
