Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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