I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
