Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
