This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
