how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
