I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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