we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
