I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
