is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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