Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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