Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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