how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize