Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
