so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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