Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
