i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
