I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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