But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
