He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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