im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
