no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
