Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
