Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
