How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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