Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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