Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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