i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
