what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
smell my finger.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
