listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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