You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
