Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
