Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
