I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
