Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
