she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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