I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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