I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
