I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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