we have pet lesbian snakes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
