i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
