sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
