id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
