I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
