who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
