I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
