that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
