i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
