she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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