I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
